March 10, 2012

Work was boring, to say the least. Nothing exciting happened, besides me losing patience with some customers. I didnt get cranky or anything. I smiled, helped them with what they needed. One lady in particular got on my nerves. She had called the store and asked for a specific kind of basket, a woven, boxy shaped thing. "Okay, we have three in stock; one is dark brown, and two are light brown." She said to hold them so she could come look at them. So I did. She came in the store about an hour later. "Well, the girl on the phone said you had three." I looked to the baskets. "These are three that we have in stock." Yeah, lady, I know what the girl on the phone said, IT WAS ME! "She said that you had two of the dark ones, and one light one." *.* Nope, pretty sure I said one dark and two light, but I feigned ignorance and apologized for the mix up. If she had been listening, then she wouldnt have wasted my time. ANYWAYS. She goes back to look at the baskets. Comes back a while later. By now, it's only a few minutes until we close. I'm ringing up her items, and she stops me. "Isnt that one supposed to be $8.99?" I look at the monitor. "No, this one is $8.99 and the two larger ones are $11.99." By the way, she didnt want the basket that I had held for her in the beginning. She changed her mind, got a different size, and made me take the other one back. >:( Anyways, back to the story. SO, she changed her mind AGAIN about what she wanted. At this point, I had called another store to see if the had what she wanted in stock. I spent half an hour on the phone, and at this time, the store was closing. I wanted to leave. I had been wanting to leave for about three hours now. The store I called didnt have it, so I had wasted all that time. Then she CHANGED HER MIND AGAIN!!!! Oh my god, I was so frustrated. That was two transactions that I had to cancel out of. All for some freaking baskets! It had to be the right size, and the right color. Now, the woman knew that the store was closed, but she went back and got different basket -again- even though she knew this. I finally got everything checked out and she left. God, I was so irritated. I hadnt dealt with such a picky customer, when the store was closing. But I was patient -on the outside- and said that everything was okay, I didnt mind, it wasnt a problem, I'm sorry for all the trouble, BLAH BLAH BLAH. But yeah, that was the extent of my work day. I cleaned up a little, put the returns away, and helped some customers. That was all.

I realize now, that while I was working, I was doing everything pretty mindless. I wasnt really thinking. It was like I was on autopilot or something. When I was working with my co-workers on the register, I would laugh and smile, but I see now that I wasnt really feeling the emotions for that. I wasnt really happy, or genuinely laughing. It was just an automatic response to the situation...Something seems to be wrong, lately. I cant really have a good time. I havent laughed and really meant it in a long time. I want to be happy, and laugh, and have a good time. I want to be able to do what I like, and not think about all the negatives in my life. But it just lingers over my head like a depressing cloud with non-stop downpours of sadness.

My life is dull. I have nothing right now that I'm really looking forward to. I like my job, and I like having days off during the week where I can do whatever I want...But it's just not enough. There's a hole inside me, and it seems like no matter what I do, I cant fill it up.